O Wretched Man

I’ve been taken aside and scolded for calling myself a scumbag. I was thinking in terms of being contemptible, but then someone enlightened me and informed me that a scumbag refers to a used condom. I thought to myself, “It’s a much more fitting description of myself than I thought.”

Whenever I speak of myself in a negative way, people often respond with, “You’re not like that” or “That’s not you,” I think to myself, “If it’s not me, then who am I talking about?” Because of this, I often feel misunderstood and alone. How I long for someone to come along side of me, put their arm on my shoulders and say, “I know how you feel, but isn’t it wonderful that God loves us anyway?” or “Isn’t it wonderful that this is a temporary condition and that God is in the process of redeeming us from our present state?” or “Doesn’t it make you wonder, what is man that God is mindful of us, the son of man that He cares for us?” or “Doesn’t your heart yearn and burn for our Savior’s return?”

Whenever I say negative things about myself, it’s usually not the end of my thought, but for some reason, that’s what most people hear. It’s almost like opening up “The Book,” reading Romans 7:15-22, hearing Paul say, “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” and then closing “The Book.”

Paul, I wish you were here. I wish we could talk. If you were here, I think you’d hear and understand what I am trying to say. If you were here, I don’t think I would feel so alone. I could be wrong, but I think that if we got together, I think that there would not only be a bond of fellowship, but there would also be great rejoicing between us.

I’d join you in singing “…there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our LORD (Romans 8:1-2, 7:25).”