Faith & Feeling

I’ve heard preachers preach, “we live by faith, not by sight or feelings…” While part of me wants to “Amen!” this statement, another part of me knows that this is not totally true.

My emotions are a big part of me. In fact, I “live” in my emotions. If my emotions do not find relief at some point, it doesn’t matter what my mind, my intellect, my will or my faith says, I will be consumed by my feelings. If I do not find emotional comfort or a sense of well being at some point, I just cannot go on with life.

This is why I thank God for the verses in II Corinthians 1-11. The Apostle Paul tells us that suffering doesn’t “just happen” or that it happens only to apostles, elders, and spiritual leaders. Paul tells us to expect suffering because we are identified with Jesus. If I understand Paul correctly, because we are connected to Jesus, suffering will “flow” into our lives.

I am glad that Paul did not end here because I would be an emotional wreck if all I had was this thought to sustain me. Paul also goes on to also say that through Jesus our “comfort overflows.” This is such wonderful news! What I hear Paul saying is that the external pressure applied is less than the internal power surging out. Just reading or thinking about this makes me feel renewed and recharged.

I know that what the LORD gives me on any given day, will probably not be enough for tomorrow. The “bread” that He gives is usually just enough to sustain me for the day. But that’s okay. Tomorrow’s another day. I know that the Infinite God with an endless supply will be waiting for me tomorrow. I thank God that He is good and His mercy and faithfulness endures forever. (Psalms 100:5)

Dear God

I am having another “Elijah moment” (I have a lot of those don’t I)? I am reminded that I am a very shallow, sensitive, and insecure person. I have many anxieties, worries, fears, responsibilities, and burdens. I also feel like I am involved with or at the brink of conflicts and confrontations all day long. I feel like I have to really work at everything, including reading, writing, and plain old conversing. In addition to all these pressures, I am supposed to “conduct myself in a manner worthy of my calling” (Ephesians 4:1). Guess what—yeah, I know You know this already. I can’t do it. I can’t handle life and Your expectations.

This is why I need you. Everyday I need to be affirmed by You. Everyday I need to feel that I am loved by You. Everyday I want to have the sense that You are walking with me. And like the slogan, “I don’t want to leave home without it”, I don’t want to leave my “prayer closet” without You because LORD, You are my sanity. You are my stress relief. You are my hiding place. You are my security. You are my strength. You are my joy. You are my hope. You are my rest.

My morning hours with You seems so unstructured, undisciplined, untraditional, and unconventional. It’s not a systematic study or a regimented prayer time. (Most of the other areas in my life are disciplined.)

You know that when I have tried to do a thematic Bible Study or pray systematically in the past, I’ve spent my time fighting to stay focused and on course. When I was done, I felt drained and exhausted before my day even began. It felt no different than the rest of my day.

These days, I let You take me where You want me to go. It feels wild and reckless, but at the end of our time together, I have a feeling of wholeness and well being. I feel like I have the energy and the power to deal with the rest of the day. I guess I’m not willing to trade our rendezvous for anything. I know our relationship can be better and I know that there can be much more. But at this point in time, I’m not willing to trade in what I have—a sense of your Presence, a feeling of intimacy for any “program” that seems to want to accomplish what I am already experiencing.

I can identify a little bit with the Psalmists who said, “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Psalms 63:1) and “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Where can I go to meet with God.” (Psalms 42:1-2)

I am glad that I found You—on second thought, I am so glad that You found me because who else can give me life? (John 6:68-69). Thanks for listening. Love, me

Thanksgiving

When things are going well for me, I am more apt to be thankful. When things are not going well, my response is, “Thanks a lot, God,” with no real gratitude. But this is the way I am. As my circumstances change, so do my feelings of appreciation of life change. Consequently, my feeling of gratefulness is like a roller coaster ride—up and down all the time.

To help me be more like a Child of Light—one who does “everything without complaining and arguing” (Philippians 2:14) and one who gives thanks in everything (I Thessalonians 5:18), I try to focus on something that doesn’t change—something that is consistent and constant. And the only thing that is unchanging in this world is God and His Word. And for this I can be thankful all the time.

When I feel like no one’s listening, recognizing me, or feeling alone, I can be thankful that God sees me and hears me (Psalms 33:13-15, 18:6). He is always with me and He will never abandon me (Hebrews 13:5). When I feel like no one understands or cares, I can be thankful that God understands (Hebrews 4:15) and God cares (Matthew 6:26). When I feel like my life and my world is falling apart, I can be thankful that God says that He sustains (Psalms 54:4) and He empowers me (Psalms 18:32). He holds all things together (Colossians 1:17). He’s going to work out everything okay (Romans 8:28) and He will finish the work that He has begun (Philippians 1:6).

When I do wrong and fail, and when I feel ugly and unloved, I can be thankful that He forgives me (Hebrews 8:12) and loves me in spite of what I did and the way I feel about myself (I John 3:19-20).

I am thankful that God is a good God, a faithful God (II Timothy 2:13), a God who loves me (Romans 8:38-39) and that will never change (Hebrews 13:8).